Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Haha, get your mind out of the gutter!  Yes, that is my/our new nutsack all the way from Lexington Ky.  In an effort to become more self-sufficient, healthy, thrifty, and aware of where our food comes from, Sarah and I are diving into homesteading.  You know, MacGyver shit for your home like growing and producing your own food and living as independently as possible with a few tricks of the trade.  

We started by trying to reduce the things we buy at the store which we could, with a little effort, make at home.  Two things we go through a lot of are almond milk and peanut butter.  First off, as Lewis Black has so poignantly stated (in reference to soy milk, but the message is the same), “there is no such thing as soy milk!  You know why? Because there’s no soy tit is there?!”.  Ah yes, Lewis, your point is well taken and I do put a fair share of almond juice on my oatmeal every morning instead of regular milk.  Instead of buying the list-of-bullshit-ingredients almond milk from Whole Foods, why not just make it at home?  

So, Sarah ordered some organic almonds and peanuts online along with a nutsack.  Now, for you sick-minded people out there, in cooking nomenclature a nutsack does not hold the male members of our species’ crown jewels, but rather is a devise that strains liquid through a very tin mesh screen.  However, being easily amused by bodily jokes, I have been saying nutsack as often as possible in the past week in anticipation of actually making our own almond juice.  The likes of which Im sure has driven Sarah crazy.  Anyway, the nutsack arrived in the mail along with the nuts and we went to town making our own almond juice. It’s pretty easy really:

Soak 1 cup of raw almonds in water overnight

In your food processor, add almonds and about 3 cups of water.  If your food processor leaks like ours, best to do it in batches.  

Run the processor until you get a milky looking liquid and gritty almond pieces. 

Pour everything into the nutsack and squeeze your nutsack until all of the liquid comes out!
I've been working on my farmers tan

Once finished, transfer the contents to a container fit for the fridge and you are good to go. 

Only ingredients are, umm, almonds and water…no processed synthetic chemicals.   Overall, 1 cup of almonds and 3 cups of water will yield, are you ready for this?  About 4 cups of almond milk!  

After cleaning the food processor, we also made peanut butter.  I could live off of peanut butter and bananas, and we routinely go though about a jar of peanut butter a week.  Again, instead of buying peanut butter, why not make our own?  Although a little longer (15 min) than making almond milk, homemade peanut butter is very simple:

1 pound of organic peanuts.

Put peanuts into food processor and run until the peanuts start crumpling up and collecting on the sides. 
Stop, clean off the sides, and repeat about 8-10 times while shaking the processor.  

If you wish, you can add honey for sweetness (or Stevia or some shit for you vegans) and a little oil (any type will work) if the mixture is too dry/crumbly. 

Eventually, you will get something that is very similar to peanut butter.  Put into an old empty and washed peanut butter jar and you are all set!  This will yield one jar of peanut butter, but be sure to store in the fridge as the oil will separate at room temperature.  

BOB photo bomb

We did a few other things today, but it felt good to make two products that we typically buy at the store.  To homestead, you do not need acres of land, a rustic cabin, and a complete abandonment of society.  All you need is a little knowledge and the drive to be self-sufficient.  My grandparents prided themselves and their families on being self-reliant during the great depression.  I.E. being creative, producing their own goods/foods and not being dependent on others,or the government, for their survival.  There is something to be said for that, and it’s a quality of life I/we really admire and aspire to.  Now, stop reading my blog, get off your ass, squeeze your nutsack, and get to work!

P.S. Blog Nutsack count=10

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