Haha, get your mind out of the gutter! Yes, that is my/our new nutsack all the way
from Lexington Ky. In an effort to
become more self-sufficient, healthy, thrifty, and aware of where our food
comes from, Sarah and I are diving into homesteading. You know, MacGyver shit for your home like
growing and producing your own food and living as independently as possible with a few
tricks of the trade.
We started by trying to reduce the things we buy at the
store which we could, with a little effort, make at home. Two things we go through a lot of are almond
milk and peanut butter. First off, as
Lewis Black has so poignantly stated (in reference to soy milk, but the message
is the same), “there is no such thing as soy milk! You know why? Because there’s no soy tit is
there?!”. Ah yes, Lewis, your point is well
taken and I do put a fair share of almond juice on my oatmeal every morning
instead of regular milk. Instead of
buying the list-of-bullshit-ingredients almond milk from Whole Foods, why not
just make it at home?
So, Sarah ordered some organic almonds and peanuts online
along with a nutsack. Now, for you
sick-minded people out there, in cooking nomenclature a nutsack does not hold
the male members of our species’ crown jewels, but rather is a devise that
strains liquid through a very tin mesh screen.
However, being easily amused by bodily jokes, I have been saying nutsack
as often as possible in the past week in anticipation of actually making our
own almond juice. The likes of which Im sure has driven Sarah crazy. Anyway,
the nutsack arrived in the mail along with the nuts and we went to town making
our own almond juice. It’s pretty easy really:
Soak 1 cup of raw almonds in water overnight
In your food processor, add almonds and about 3 cups of
water. If your food processor leaks like
ours, best to do it in batches.
Run the processor until you get a milky looking liquid and
gritty almond pieces.
Pour everything into the nutsack and squeeze your nutsack
until all of the liquid comes out!
I've been working on my farmers tan |
Once finished, transfer the contents to a container fit for
the fridge and you are good to go.
Only
ingredients are, umm, almonds and water…no processed synthetic chemicals. Overall, 1 cup of almonds and 3 cups of
water will yield, are you ready for this?
About 4 cups of almond milk!
After cleaning the food processor, we also made peanut
butter. I could live off of peanut
butter and bananas, and we routinely go though about a jar of peanut butter a
week. Again, instead of buying peanut
butter, why not make our own? Although a
little longer (15 min) than making almond milk, homemade peanut butter is very
simple:
1 pound of organic peanuts.
Put peanuts into food processor and run until the peanuts
start crumpling up and collecting on the sides.
Stop, clean off the sides, and repeat about 8-10 times while
shaking the processor.
If you wish, you can add honey for sweetness (or Stevia or
some shit for you vegans) and a little oil (any type will work) if the mixture
is too dry/crumbly.
Eventually, you will get something that is very similar to
peanut butter. Put into an old empty and
washed peanut butter jar and you are all set!
This will yield one jar of peanut butter, but be sure to store in the
fridge as the oil will separate at room temperature.
BOB photo bomb |
We did a few other things today, but it felt good to make two products that we typically buy at the store. To homestead, you do not need acres of land,
a rustic cabin, and a complete abandonment of society. All you need is a little knowledge and the
drive to be self-sufficient. My
grandparents prided themselves and their families on being self-reliant during
the great depression. I.E. being
creative, producing their own goods/foods and not being dependent on others,or
the government, for their survival.
There is something to be said for that, and it’s a quality of life I/we
really admire and aspire to. Now, stop
reading my blog, get off your ass, squeeze your nutsack, and get to work!
P.S. Blog Nutsack count=10